These days, it is like everything strikes me with a message or an ah-ha moment. I don't know if it is because I am searching for it more, or if I am trusting to see God's message and reminders more. This morning during church, we sang a chorus called "Give me Jesus." In the song, it says, in the morning, give me Jesus. When I am alone, give me Jesus. It also says, "You may have all this world, but give me Jesus." It made me think more about the week I have had and various moments when it was only with keeping this thought that I am able to move forward, especially with the possibility of upcoming change and the question of how I am going to be able to handle it.
The first came with the trial of day were nothing was going right. I have already told about the day, but what I didn't say is how that morning in the car before getting to the play date, my thought was this --- "God, what am I going to do when we have a difficult morning, and we don't have friends waiting to play with us?" I was taken back to when we first moved here, and I had to find things to do with my then only child. I sat there thinking, "I don't want to start over!" Even though, I feel like I have learned a lot about who I am and how to make friends again, there are definitely those selfish thoughts of "I like where I am. I like our friends. I like my life as is!" So, in this trial, I simply wanted to be like a preschooler who simply wanted to plant their feet on the floor and not move!
As the week moved on, though, I got a chance to test myself. Friday came, and after many tries, I wasn't able to arrange a playdate for the girls. I had to run some errands, so I decided that we would make a stop at Barnes and Noble and then move to our other errands. I knew that it had a little area for kids to play with, so I thought that it was the best place to find a birthday present and let the girls be entertained. To my surprise, there was even more for the girls to do, and we made it by ourselves and had fun. I sat there and thought, it may be lonely at first, but we can do this!
And then came the plead. No matter what, I desire to be following God's call for my life and our lives. But, as I talk to friends at other churches, I am envious of the large Sunday School classes they are part of, small groups, and friendships that they have formed. I know that I shouldn't be jealous of it, but it is hard not desire it. I simply made the plead again this week, with the hope that we will have this. I don't know for sure, but it is simply my plead, my prayer, my desire.
But, with this all, I go back to the chorus from this morning, and remind myself, give me Jesus, give me, Jesus, give me, Jesus, and with that, I can ride the trials, pass the tests, and pray for answers and assurance when it comes to my pleads!
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