Changing my Ways

Once I determined that I was going to be in a cast for two weeks, completely immobile, and even after that, I would still be inhibited in what I could do, it was time to figure out how the girls would be taken care of.  Paul quickly decided that he would set up an office at home and be available as much as possible.  My parents were able to come to our house or have us at their house if Paul had to be at the church for extended periods of time.  I couldn’t be left alone with the children, because I couldn’t even pick up Charlotte or do anything unless it was one handed, and not even my dominant hand. After a week or so, Paul’s mom came into town to continue the helping out process. Many, many friends brought us meals, and "babysat" the girls when needed. 

Throughout it all, I found myself still making sure that the girls’ needs were meet and didn’t ask for much for myself.  But, I kept reminding myself to not feel sorry for myself.  There were many times that I could let myself have those moments where I could feel like I can’t believe this had happened.  Don’t get me wrong, I definitely said that many times during the process, but I would at least try to laugh it off a bit.  Through it all, I had to remind myself to stay grounded in God, because on those days when my arm hurt more, or Paul was exhausted from being pulled in so many directions, or the girls just had another moment where they just didn’t understand why mommy couldn’t do the same things, it would be very easy to fall backwards, rather than moving forward in the process of healing and growing in my understanding of God’s plan for me. 

I was officially cleared by the doctor on Friday, January 20 – over three months from the day it happened.  I wore a cast.  I spent many weeks being robo-mama in my elbow hinged brace and doing exercises to help strengthen my elbow and the tendon. I went nearly 4 weeks without being able to care for my children on my own and over a month without driving.  I had great family and friends who provided meals for me and offered to do whatever I needed.  And most of all, I learned that I can’t do it all.  God has put people in my life to help me, strengthen me in times of need, and be a support where it is needed.  And this further helps in grounding this mommy and preparing me for what He has ahead of me, and I can already tell that it isn't going to be the easiest road to travel, but it will have many great benefits both short and long term.

The day that God literally took my feet out from under me

October 12, 2011 ----

The day didn’t even start a normal day.  The week had been one of many emotions with Paul and me in the midst of a fight and barely talking.  I remember going to bed the night before with the prayer that God would help us see how we could move on from where we were right then.  Well, God sure had his way! 

I woke up in the morning, getting Mary Ellen ready for school and sending her off on her way.  I think that Charlotte and I went to run errands and we ended up going to my parent’s house.  I am not sure if we had a purpose or just wasting time.  Well, after picking Mary Ellen up at school, I picked up lunch and came back.  Charlotte went down for a nap, and Mary Ellen was resting.  I needed to find brown shoes for Mary Ellen and mom needed me to check on a few things for Paul’s birthday.  I took off to run these few errands, but my plans changed.  After making one stop and researching the possibility of getting Paul a new I-phone for his birthday, I began to take the trek into Belk that changed it all. 

I actually don’t remember many details, but as time has passed, I seem to be able to figure out what happened.  One day, I may know all of the details, if I see the surveillance video, but that is a whole other issue.  It could tell us what happened or have for us a chance at winning America’s Funniest Home videos!

But, back to the events --- From what I recall, I walked into the store with my eyes set on my destination of the shoe department, and the next thing I know, I was on the floor with both feet flown out from me.  Of course, my first response was to jump up and declare that I was fine to the people that saw it and were checking on me.  Within seconds though, I could tell otherwise.  I was getting very woozy, and I began to realize that I couldn’t move my right arm.  Now, I have fallen many times. I am a klutz, but I have never had an injury from something like this.  (I have broken my elbow, but it happened in softball, so I don’t consider it a klutzy move :))  As they got the manager and she began asking questions, I was still being my stubborn self completely convinced that the pain was going to pass and I was going to be okay and be able to go back to the schedule and plans that I had for the day.  Well, that time didn’t come.  I eventually gave into that I needed to call Paul, and I was probably going to have to get it checked out.   

To make this part of the story shorter, I did end up in the Emergency Room for many hours in much pain to find out that I had dislocated my elbow, fractured my elbow, and tore a ligament.  I came out of there with my arm in a cast and sling with the need to see an orthopedic the following day to determine what was ahead of me. 

That night when I got home, it was very late, I was very tired, drugged, and overwhelmed by how everything had changed.  What I did know was that Paul and I were talking, and we both knew and had been tested through the fact that no matter what we may face, we are going to be there for each other.  Yes, we were still aware of what had brought about the fight, but it wasn’t something we could dwell on any more at that time, because things were going to be very different over the next few months.  This mommy who was used to doing everything, and doesn’t ask for help much, was going to have to change her ways.  When you can’t even dress or bath yourself, there is little that you can do for your nearly 1 year old and 3 year old.  Within a few days, I realized that God had lots of lessons for me, and He needed to get my attention.  At that the time, I felt as if I was grounded from being a mom to my kids, because I needed everyone to take care of me.  But, what I have come to realize is that I needed to be grounded more in God, and it was only through that I am going to move forward and stay focused and grounded in God in the path that we were about to embark on.  I am not saying that I have not fought it along the way, but my perspective is much different and all I have to do is move my arm, and I still have a slight reminder of the day that God literally took me off my feet and made me a GROUNDED MOMMY!